Engineering Jokes

[Jesse]

Alrighty! Here's a thread for alll of our favorite engineering jokes. Post your favorites in this thread!

I'll start....

How do you drive an engineer crazy?
....

Tie him/her to a chair, and fold up a map infront of them the wrong way!

[lfinley]

Engineers vs. Executives

Theorem: Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives.
Proof Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money. As every engineer knows, Work = Power/Time Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we get; Work =Knowledge/Money Solving for money, we find Work =Money/Knowledge Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.
Conclusion: The Less you Know, the More you Make.

[Caley]

Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. The lawyers each buy a ticket but the three engineers buy only one. "How are three people going to travel on one ticket?" asked one of the lawyers. "You’ll see," says an engineer.

The lawyers take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom. When the conductor comes to collect the tickets, he knocks on the restroom door. "Tickets, please." The door opens a crack and a single ticket emerges. The conductor takes it and moves on.

Returning from the conference, the lawyers decide to buy a single ticket. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks a lawyer. "You’ll see," says an engineer.

The lawyers cram into a restroom and the engineers cram into another one nearby. Then, one of the engineers leaves his restroom, walks over to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding, knocks on the door and says: "Ticket, please."

[Caley]

Okay, here are some old favorites

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." "The second engineer nodded approvingly, 'Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

************************

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

************************

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi George. say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh , yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?!"

************************

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

[Brandon]

These are some funny sites. You have to look at the first one (non-engineering) to appreciate the second one. Here goes:

www.realultimatepower.net/

www.rpi.edu/~harmsj/RUPEE/

;D